"And I thought I would just share with you what science says today about silicone breast implants. If you have them, you're healthier than if you don't. In fact, there's no science that shows that silicone breast implants are detrimental and, in fact, they make you healthier."
Republican Senator Tom Coburn*
Sen. Tom Coburn (R-OK) wants to cut Social Security and Medicare benefits because the programs are “things we don’t absolutely need.”**
Senator Coburn made some surprising statements to George Stephanopolous on ABC’s "This Week" on Sunday about Social Security and Medicare. After the ABC program Senator Coburn went to the exclusive Dolly Parton Breast Augmentation Clinic in Aureole, Virginia. After his surgery he was visited by the Weeper of the House, John Boehner and the Minority Leader of the Senate, Mitch McConnell. As luck would have it, his nurse was Jimmie Carter's granddaughter, Sharon Seacrest. She recognized the visiting politicians and placed her I-Phone on the window sill in Coburn's room and recorded their conversation for "Mother Jones Magazine".
Here is a partial transcript of the conversation recorded by Sharon Seacrest:
Boehner: "Tom, those things are huge. What were you thinking?"
Coburn: "It's what Grover wanted. I would do anything for him."
Boehner: "I know you love Norquist but you can't hide those things. The voters are going to think you're [expletive deleted] crazy!"
McConnell: "We all think you're [expletive deleted] crazy but how are you going to explain those?"
Coburn: "Ow! Stop it Mitch they're tender. Look, I'm gonna blame [expletive deleted] Obama. I'm gonna say it's inflation."
Boehner: "Okay, that's a good one. Maybe we can spin this as a medical experiment to prove silicone is safe."
Coburn: "I've been saying silicone implants make you healthier and now I'm gonna prove it."
Boehner: "Right. Now I've gotta tell something about your appearance on ABC’s "This Week" last Sunday. You said that Social Security and Medicare are unnecessary. We need to be careful. We're creating a smokescreen about tax increases and we don't want anyone to know what our real agenda is."
Coburn: "Well, I said that those are programs are things we don't absolutely need."
McConnell: "I bet George Snuffleupagus had a [expletive deleted] cow."
Coburn: "No, he just said Obama had already gotten $716 billion in Medicare and Republicans had run against those cuts. So I said he already spent that $700 billion on Obama care."
Boehner: "Beautiful, just keep on attacking him for spending and they'll forget all about his spending cuts."
McConnell: "I hope you blamed the deficit on entitlements."
Coburn: "Oh yeah. I hit 'em with all of our [expletive deleted] talking points. I said Medicade is bankrupting us, Social Security disability will go belly up in two years, and Social Security itself will be totally bankrupt in 16 or 17 years."
Boehner: "Perfect. That [expletive deleted] Obama will have to cut entitlements if we can get people to believe that stupid [expletive deleted]."
Coburn: "Yeah. But here's the best part. I said that the U.S. will face another debt downgrade because the Democrats won't address the entitlements fiasco. I think some of those idiots are actually beginning to believe that Social Security is part of the deficit problem. It's [expletive deleted] hilarious! We know that Medicare and Social Security are solvent for at least the next twenty [expletive deleted] years and those [expletive deleted] may actually that they are responsible for the [expletive deleted] deficit."
Boehner: "Look guys, we can't afford to over play our hand on this. We want them to think we're fighting over that little tax increase. We don't want them to realize that we're really trying to destroy Social Security and Medicare. That's why the first Bush insisted we take that kind of language of language out of our platform back in 1988."
Coburn: "What language was that."
Boehner: "For decades the Republican platform said we would starve Social Security and let it rot on the vine. Bush said we should continue with our strategy of robbing the Social Security surplus but we couldn't put in in the platform. Before 1988, no one paid any attention to our platform. But then, all of the sudden, people noticed what was in it, so Bush said we needed to sanitize the document and remove any language like that because the Democrats could use against us. He said our policies won't change, we just don't have to tell people what they really are."
Coburn: "So we're gonna compromise on that little tax increase so we can [expletive deleted] up Social Security and Medicare. One thing's for sure, our REAL constituents don't need Social Security or Medicare. I've never heard of a corporation that retired or got sick. And billionaires and millionaires don't need pensions or cheap health care either. And we're gonna pretend that we're fixing the entitlements while we're really castrating them. We can use the tax increase as bait to trap them on entitlements. Social Security and Medicare are toast."
McConnell: "Holy [expletive deleted]! We can use this [expletive deleted] strategy to twist some [expletive deleted] Democrats' arms. If we play our cards right we can finally will start killing Medicare and Social Security. Those big corporate [expletive deleted] will love us for this. C'mere Tom, let me give you a great big ol' hug."
Coburn: "Stop it, Mitch. I told you my breasts are still sore."
Boehner: "All right, break it up you two. We've got some business to discuss. I just got another $50 million from Norquist to spread around in the House. He said he has some more money for the Senate Republicans and he wants to give it to you in person Mitch. He said wants you to call him."
Coburn: "Grover's on his way over here right now. He'll give you a briefcase Mitch but then you guys need to leave. Grover and I are going to need some privacy.
**"Sen. Tom Coburn (R-OK) is encouraging Democrats to cut Social Security and Medicare benefits because the programs are “things we don’t absolutely need.”