Romney made the following announcement:
The new Secretary of State will be John Bolton. He will be in charge of pulling the U.S. out of the United Nations. His expertise in alienating foreign countries will prove invaluable to the administration. We want to return to the kind of isolationism practiced by Herbert Hoover.
Oliver North will be the new Secretary of Defense. We wanted Colin Powell but he endorsed Obama so screw him. It's really hard to find anyone in the republican party with actual military experience.
I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby will be my Attorney General. We owe him because he went to prison to protect Karl Rove and Dick Cheney for outing Valerie Plame. He's got experience because he spent lots of time in Federal Court and in Federal prison.
Bernie Madoff will be the Secretary of the Treasury and will help steal billions from the government. Bernie has plenty of experience handling enormous amounts of money on Wall Street. Madoff has had some legal problems (he's serving a 150 yr. sentence and $17 billion fine) but that can be solved with a Presidential pardon.
Donald Trump will be the perfect Secretary of Labor. The Donald and I love to fire people. He will be in charge of firing every suspected democrat in the government. I'm sure he can learn how to outsource jobs.
The Koch brothers will be co-Secretaries of Energy. They will eliminate all alternative energy programs. Clean energy is stupid. I can't wait to start receiving those big oil kick-backs.
Glenn Beck will be the Secretary of Homeland Security. He wants to hassle Muslims. Instead of screening Muslims in airports he wants to waterboard them. We think terrorists are afraid of crazy people like him.
Sheldon Adelson will be the Secretary of Commerce. He donated over a hundred million so I have to give him something.
T. Boone Pickens will be the Secretary of the Interior. He'll be in charge of drilling on federal lands including the National Parks. And he'll run pipelines everywhere at taxpayer expense.
Karl Rove will be the Director of the Office of Management and Budget. He was the brains behind GW's trickle down tax plan that we're going to double down on.
Richard Petty will be the Secretary of Transportation. He advocates raising the speed limit on the interstate highways to 200 MPH. This will help reduce the population which will help reduce entitlement spending.
Rudy Giuliani will be the Secretary of Agriculture. I know he's a city boy but he endorsed me early on, so I owe him. He will be glad to cut spending because he hates farmers.
Sean Hannity will be the Secretary of Housing and Urban Development. He will cut spending because he will throw the bums out.
David Stockman will be the Secretary of Veterans Affairs. When he was in the Reagan administration he said military retirement was the biggest waste in the government budget. He will make huge cuts because he hates vets.
Todd Akin will be the Secretary of Health & Human Services. He will eliminate all spending on womens health. He will distribute aspirin for birth control. He'll tell women to hold it between their knees.
Rush Limbaugh will be the new "Drug Czar". As a convicted drug abuser Rush has lots of experience with drugs. No one has taken more Oxycotin and Viagra than Rush. Any Oxycotin seized by the DEA will become his personal stash.
There will be no Secretary of Education. The whole department will be eliminated. Ignorant people tend to vote republican so we will try to eliminate public schools completely.
Lanhee Chen will be the United States Trade Representative. He's a member of my campaign staff. I can't remember who he is but maybe he speaks Chinese. I'm pretty sure he's an Asian-American. I forgot him an hour after I met him.
I realize that there are no women in my cabinet. I'm keeping the women in binders where they will be forced to have unwanted babies as God intended. I also realize that there are no African-Americans. We wanted Colin Powell to be our "token" but he endorsed Obama. My first choice for the Supreme Court will be Richard Mourdock. He will protect the right of rapists to father children because it's God's will.
John Bolton fandrop.com
Ollie North newshounds.us
I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby maruthecrankpot.blogspot.com
Bernie Madoff proparanoid.wordpress.com
Donald Trump examiner.com
The Koch brothers downwithtyranny.blogspot.com
Glenn Beck iansbrain.com
Sheldon Adelson forbes.com
T. Boone Pickens georgiasports.blogspot.com
Karl Rove bartcop.com
Richard Petty foxnews.com
Rudy Giuliani neveryetmelted.com
Sean Hannity examiner.com
David Stockman rationalrevolution.net
Todd Akin en.wikipedia.org
Rush Limbaugh sfgate.com
Lanhee Chen linuxgazette.net
Richard Mourdock refinery29.com