Willard Romney lost the third and final debate so badly that he now admits that he will lose the election. "It's time for me to admit defeat and move on with my life. My life has always been all about money anyway, so with my extensive experience with tax shelters and money laundering, I'm planning to open a new bank in the Cayman Islands. This bank will provide the perfect avenue for republican millionaires in the United States to avoid paying taxes like I always have. We will also offer special services to the drug cartels and other criminals with our expert money laundering services. Since Switzerland has changed their banking laws we can offer the kind of secrecy and anonymity that was previously available there. I am already in the process of buying the Caymans using various holding companies and hedge funds."
Romney said, "When I visited the UK during the Olympics I made a deal with them to make the Caymans an independent country in the event I lose the election. The UK gets a percentage of the take from Cayman banking and a new casino in exchange for Cayman independence. I will be the President of my bank and the Cayman Islands. The new constitution will be designed to prohibit extradition by any country (particularly the U.S.) for any crime. Then I can run my bank scam with impunity. Rich criminals will be welcome in my Caymans. For instance, if Rush Limbaugh gets busted for Oxycontin and Viagra again he can come to the Caymans and do his radio show on satellite. And he can do drugs and have all of the sex he wants." Romney said, "My Cayman Bank will be like Bain Capital on Steroids. When I owned Bain Capital I focused on off-shoring American jobs. My new bank will focus on off-shoring American money." My bank will provide clients with complete secrecy and will never release account information to any investigators. Criminals will be welcome. This will make it extremely easy for my bank to skim the accounts. My bank will make trillions."
Romney said, "I can't wait to lose this election so I can get started on this new bank scam immediately." Romney now claims he intentionally lost the last debate and he intends to commit more gaffs and flip-flops to ensure Obama's victory. "I'm sure my bank scam will make more money than I would have generated from all of the kick-backs I was planning to receive as president." When asked what the name of his new bank will be, Romney said, "I don't need to put my name on the bank. That's Donald Trump's thing. I don't care what it says on the outside of the bank, I just want all of the money inside the bank."