Romney was a student at Stanford during the Vietnam War. In 1967 he joined of a group that assembled to voice their opposition to the peace protests going on at the Stanford campus. Romney said in a television interview that he "strongly supports the Vietnam War." But instead of serving in the war Romney did missionary work for the Mormon Church. Many other Mormons who did missions also served in the military. Romney received five consecutive draft deferments from the Selective Service (which tied a record originally set by Dick Cheney). In the December 1969 draft lottery his high number ensured he would not be drafted so no more deferments were necessary.

In a 1970 newspaper interview, Mitt said that U.S. involvement in the war had been misguided. He said, "If it wasn't a political blunder to move into Vietnam, I don't know what is." In 1994, while running for the Senate in Massachusetts, Romney told the Boston Herald, “I was not planning on signing up for the military. It was not my desire to go off and serve in Vietnam.” This year during CNN’s January 30 debate, Romney said, “one of the two great regrets I have in life is I didn’t serve in the military. I’d love to have.” He told the Boston Globe last June, “I longed in many respects to actually be in Vietnam and be representing our country there and in some ways it was frustrating not to feel like I was there as part of the troops that were fighting in Vietnam.” So Romney supported the Vietnam War, then he opposed it, and now he misses it (Flip-flop-flip).

Of course now his wife Ann compares his missionary work to military service. Although Romney and his sons all have chosen missionary work over military service, Ann Romney says missionary work is "another way to serve." Romney did his missionary work in France. Naturally, I began to envision Rambo Romney carrying an M-16 and patrolling the dangerous rice paddies of Paris. I pictured Romney being pinned down by French Cong snipers. Rambo Romney may have even suffered from French jungle rot (contracted from a prostitute). He said, "Just crossing the street in Paris is like crossing a minefield. Dodging the cabs is easy but those drunk Frenchmen on scooters will run you down."

Romney said he had many scary moments in France. He said Frenchmen kept offering him coffee and French women occasionally offered him wine. He said everyone in France, even the children, offered him cigarettes. He had to keep reminding them that Mormons don't smoke or drink coffee or alcohol which is why the French think Mormons are morons. "They weren't about to give up their vices. They are actually proud of their wine! Everyone smokes and they said I was stupid. The French are so rude." Romney said his fear of rejection was worse that any soldier's fear of combat. Romney said the French shot him down everyday.

But, after months of not being able to win over a single French convert, Romney, like a great military general, decided to change tactics. "I set up a table in Paris and started giving away free bottles of wine. I told them that Mormons encouraged the use of wine and cigarettes. I even hired prostitutes to serve free coffee. The response was immediate. I converted more French people to the Mormon faith than all of the previous missionaries combined. This was the first time I ever flip-flopped and the results convinced me that flip-flopping is a winning strategy. I have been flip-flopping ever since."

Note:  Only the first three paragraphs are factual. 

picture credits:

Dangerous French woman http://croners-paris.com/

Scary Frenchman http://croners-paris.com/

Romney invades French beach http://www.cbsnews.com/